The venerable bridge correspondent (VBC) for one of the National Dailies is practising for the Gold Cup, and not for nothing does he wear a breast-plate bearing the name of a major brewer. His RHO opens 1NT, LHO transfers to Hearts and rebids 3NT. Opener converts to the major game (presumably holding three trumps, as with four he’d have broken the transfer). On lead with a small doubleton trump and nothing else to do VBC leads the top of the doubleton. Dummy hits with Qxx, AJxxx, xx, AQx. Declarer looks at dummy, and plays small, presumably holding ten and two small. Partner wins the King and returns the diamond Queen. VBC started with Jxxx, xx, Kxxx, Jx, (the ale having affected his ability to count to 13) and, seeing he needs to push a club through, overtakes.

At this point the purple-carapaced creature strolls up (having discovered a red-backed card on the floor and noting the only red-backed hand in play nearby thereby establishing ownership) and gives VBC his thirteenth card. Coincidentally it is the card which suffered a terrible fate in the Hideous Hog’s chicken sandwich(*), and happens to be the Queen of Hearts. Ever one to seize a main chance, VBC completes the trump peter (presumably an original xxx since no-one would lead middle from Qxx), and of course declarer rises with the Ace hoping to drop doubleton KQ. The contract was now in tatters!

The laws are not entirely clear as to whether I should have given VBC his card back, in the middle of the hand, in order to try to avoid an infraction, or wait for VBC to fail to follow in trumps and then point out he’d revoked and apply the revoke penalty and then give him the Queen of Hearts back. Realistically the second option would have caused VBC to collapse into "system shock" and the war-gaming rules mean I would then roll a dice to see how many further tuns of ale would have to be provided. Equally the laws are not entirely clear as to whether I should award the non-offending side an adjusted score for failing to spot what is now to be called "The Donovan Coup".

[Victor Mollo has a scenario where HH is about to be end-played, and the only way he can avoid it is to create a defective deck thereby voiding the hand, so he inserts a card into his sandwich, eats it and washes the whole lot down with a double brandy. The card in question was the Queen of Hearts, and it saved him a hundred pounds]